The quarter life crisis

Someone told me today that they had read a book called 'The Quarter Life Crisis' about how Uni leavers today face often become depressed. The more I have thought about it the more I have realised how true this is, thousands graduate every year with such high expectations, and end up losing their friends, their significant other, their independence and, in many cases, their ambition within months.

Luckily I have managed to avoid these pitfalls due to some luck and being a bit of a lone wolf anyhow, but I do think students should be prepared more for the sudden change in lifestyle. Or maybe less people should be students so degrees actually mean something and people leave Uni and are immediately successful. Yes thats it.

How political. In other news, my Worcester Sauce Crisp campaign has received an olverwhelming response of two comments, and in light of the fact that I can no longer find Worcester Sauce wheat crunchies, I feel I must redouble my efforts. Why does the 21st century crisp eater have no time for the purple crisp? Too busy downloading rap music on his mp3pod no doubt. Bastard.

It also makes me wonder about other crisp flavours that have fallen by the wayside. For all I know, a flavour which I would have loved was withdrawn shortly before I became a crisp consumer. I must hunt down these rare crisps. Well, I will search for them on ebay.

Watch Garth Marenghi's Darkplace by the way, I insist. No, I really insist. Its unbelievably good.

Well well well

I got the job with the Guardian. In four tedious weeks I will be an internet type helper at one of England's biggest left wing newspapers. Impressed? You bloody well should be. I didnt enjoy the blogging as much as I thought I would, it has been thoroughly neglected, but seeing that my last post was worthy of spam comments I've decided that it would be wrong not to serve where there are so many to serve in my updates.

In other news I am currently trying to comfort a friend suffering from heart ache. Women can be horrible. And love can be horrible. And relationships can be horrible. When you first get involved with the opposite sex you have no idea what you are letting yourself in for do you? All my best and moments have come as a result of girls. Well apart from Istanbul. Sweet sweet Istanbul. Liverpool play Barca tomorrow and I'm not confident. We'll get battered. You heard it here first

Amities

How to get a job as a journalist - a six step programme

Ok, as I am such a successful journalist (ahem) I thought I would share some of my wisdom from the past year's beavering, and a step-by-step guide to what I think you should do.

1. Write for whatever free resource you can. If you apply to a writer somewhere, but your CV doesn't have any evidence of writing on it then why would they employ you? Uni newspapers are great for this, particularly if you can be an Editor.

2. Buy the Writer's and Artists Yearbook, and send a letter (or an e-mail if you can't be bothered, although these are much more likely to be ignored/forgotten) to every magazine, newspaper and publication in there. Each time make sure you refer to the person by name (call up and ask if you are unsure of this) rather than Dear Sir/Madam and attach some examples of your work. Ask for work experience, try and come across as friendly/with a sense of humour. You may only get one reply from 100 letters, buts that's all you need.

3. Be likeable and professional on your work experience. If someone there thinks you are fun to work with, and can do the job, they will bear you in mind for any positions that come up or even offer you work then and there. This has happened to me and my friends before. If they don't get you anything to do, think of things to do, offer to write and article about x or research y for them. You can find ways to be useful to them even if they can' think of any. Finally, buy a bag of donuts on your last day, it will show them you appreciate their help and everyone likes donuts.

4. Armed with your work experience, a small portfolio and sugary fingers from the donuts, e-mail your CV to every recruitment agency and temp agency you can find, asking for editorial/writing work. Once again, they may not find anything suitable and you will get a lot of calls asking you to do media sales, but once again only one needs to work out and you will have a shiny new temp job or even a permanent job relevant to what you want to do. Even if its a boring magazine many journalism jobs ask for 6-months experience before even considering applications, or even a year.

5. Check out this blog http://journalismjobslondon.blogspot.com/ every day, applying for everything that is entry level. Once again, even if it takes you a year you WILL find something suitable eventually, and once your at this stage your only a bit of luck away from your dream job.

6. You get an interview. Be smart, passionate about the job, and absolutely 100% certain about what the job requires and why YOU can do that better than someone else. Coming across as friendly and with a sense of humour is important as these people are going to have to spend a lot of time with you if you get the job.

There you have it, you've done it. Congratulations. Send me a box of donuts in the post.

Some more things to bear in mind

1. Try starting a blog or offering to write about a website of something you like. Whether it be sport, music, films, boats, Jesus - when a job comes up in that field you will be competing against people that have a track record of writing in that field, you have no chance if you just swear blind that you love football for example, but never wrote for you Uni paper sports section.

2. Make the most of your contacts. My friend's Uncle got me amazing work experience at the Independent that has sprinkled golddust on my otherwise lacklustre CV. You'd be surprised how many people's godparents/next-door neighbours/long lost identical twins you can find who could get you that proverbial foot in the door.

3. Don't be afraid to badger (see illustration). If someone doesn't reply to an email or letter, send it again. If you've been on work experience and not heard from the publication for a while, give them a call. You'd be surprised how often when, when put on the spot, someone can actually find some work for you.

4. Finally, don't give up. It is very competitive but with the right portfolio and work experience, getting a job is an eventuality rather than a possibility.

Good luck!

I'm back

Could this be the longest gap between two blog posts of any blog in the world? Possibly. No, definitely.
Still, 186 people over the past four months, you can't argue with that. That's slightly more than one a day. Most of which would be me. But hey, this isn't a popularity contest, I'm happy as long as I know that one day when I'm a internationally renowned writer people will look at my blog and think 'golly, he's always been a genius'.
So what's happened in the world since I last posted? Saddam was hung, which was disgusting. How we can claim to be 'civilised' when we do that to someone, no matter how despicable. I don't know. Surely rotting in jail would be far greater suffering? Unless you believe in Hell. Which I don't.
Also, I've got an interview for a job at the Guardian next week which I couldn't be any more excited about. Rather than trying to not think about it so I'm not disapointed when I don't get it, I've opted for the approach where you fantasize about the job constantly so you feel immense pressure during the interview and paper cut your wrists using the rejection letter.
It's an internetty job so I should probably refer them to this blog as an example of my savvy...or not. I'm actually thinking of making a jackarnott.com but am not keen on self-indulgence.

I'm trying to make this job more useful so am going to post some of my wisdom later today. Hold your breath...

Web 2.0 indeeeeeed

So I was reading about Web 2.0 today and I thought 'what the hell is that'. Well actually I may have thought something ruder than that because I was in a bad mood today (scanner problems). Well, actually this is Web 2.0. And what makes it so? Because unlike naff old Web 1.0 which was essentially a big yellow pages with porn in, now we all look at the Internet as a social networking environment. An e-infrastructure of electronic socio-bio-diversity. If you will.
The fact that the BBC website now allows people to comment on the news as just shows how things are changing. Everything, eventually, will be a blog. Then we will get bored of that and move to Web 3.o which will involve Virtual Reality helmets I imagine.
A job has come up at Playstation magazine and I want it soooo bad. Sooo bad. Playing video games and writing about it and being paid must be up there as the best jobs in the world. I'm going to apply, but will find it hard to convince them I have as much burning passion for the industry as those who only pause from online Halo to go to work experience and write for Gamesmaster.
Well, wish me luck.
Oh, and if you too love this whole Web 2.0 thing, check out the Web 0.5 (ie shit) website I made when I was 15, http://freakster.cjb.net then read this, then look at that again and then spend five minutes looking into your belly button and thinking about how connected we all are...and how in a way I am connected to my past self through this hyperlink in a way that cannot be truly replicated in reality. What after all is any less real about the internet as it becomes more and more interactive than real life?


Deep eh? I better put a picture up of a hamster or something

This Blog is not dead...yet

I remember once when this Blog fulfilled a purpose in my life. Now, I look at it and recall the folly of the old me. The person I used to be, two months ago, that felt that writing dull rubbish on the internet would be somehow satsifying.
Now I know better. What has this blog taught me? Very little. What has it taught you? Well, only you can know that, dear reader.
For my blog fans out there, all 150 of you (for I assume every hit on my hit counter was an individual fan of my blog, who spent roughly half an hour digesting and cogitating all that I had to offer) I don't want you to worry. Oiyoublogoff will be back, with new improved enthusiasm, as soon as I
a) become inspired
b) become bored of Facebook
I love Facebook.

The Bring Back Worcester Sauce Crisps Campaign

Fans of the blog may have noted a decrease in the frequency of my posts. I could blame laziness. I could blame the fact that the novelty has worn off.
But no, in my local newsagent today, I realised what has triggered the creative malaise that has almost destroyed my blogging career.

Walkers don't make Worcester Sauce crisps any more.

What? I hear you cry. Fucking what?! Yup, they're my favourite flavour too. Do they expect us to just happily move over to French Fries? What am I am moron? French Fries are shit!

I sent them an e-mail demanding an answer, and got this.

Thank you for your recent enquiry. Unfortunately, this product is no longer available. The main reason for this was that demand was disappointingly low. Our Marketing Team do however, continue to monitor the requirements of our consumers to make sure our current product range reflects consumer preferences. Please be assured, we have forwarded your comments on to our Marketing Team for their attention. Thank you once again for taking the time and trouble to contact us. Regards Consumer Care TeamWalkers Snack Foods Limited

Demand was disappointingly low? What if demand was low for penicillin one year, would millions die? If Walkers ran the NHS we bloody would.

The Worcester Sauce crisp is more than just a crisp. Its part of being English. Its part of sticking two fingers up to america and their 'Corn Chips' and saying 'Suck on my Lea and Perrins, fat boy'.

The internet is a powerful political force these days. Comment below, in your thousands, and we'll see if Walkers will turn their back on us.

Post Boy Extraordinaire

Did I spell extraordinaire right? Who cares. My blog, I will spell things how i want. Fans of the blog will have noted my unemployment and search for meaning to my life and a fulfilling career as a strong undercurrent to my postings. You will be relieved to hear I now have a job.
Being an English graduate with excellent communication skills, and a track record of excellence in writing and journalism, the man upstairs (by which I mean the swedish woman at my temp agency) has decided that for the next two weeks, I will be a post boy.
Now this may sound demeaning, but bare in mind this involves both distributing post AND posting post. I also have to take in the milk. Its a graduate trainee position, and I hope one day to be a post boy at a really really big company like Time Warner or Microsoft.
If anyone out there needs an English graduate with excellent post-sorting skills, give me a call.
In less interesting news, two of my articles are up on some women's website. Both were rushed and a bit crap but there you go. Check them out

http://www.nuts4chic.com/2006/nuts4film/Lost/Lost.htm

http://www.nuts4chic.com/2006/nuts4music/Christina_Aguilera_Back_to_Basics/Christina_Aguilera.htm

Perhaps writing for a women's website is embarassing, but then people that say that would probably also say that being a post boy is embarassing when you are 21 and have a degree from a supposedly top Uni.
Sigh.
Take care, blogfans.