Beekeeping or Bee-keeping? Resolved once and for all

Bee-keeping. Must be. Bee and keeping are two words. They have to be hyphenated. Don't even get me started on 'Bee keeping'. The World's Best Bee-Keeping Blog is solving this matter, too many arguments have broken out in the past, two many great bee-keepers reduced to angry, net hat wearing grotesques.
Aside from the controversy, as promised here on The World's Best Bee-Keeping Blog we have decided to share with you a few tips to become a Honey millionaire, and whet your appetites for the forthcoming e-book, '101 Ways to Turn Bees into THESE'.

Note the title only makes sense with the illustration of some wads of cash next to the word THESE.

Remember, bees are not a toy, and not to be taken lightly. Always take suitable safety precautions, especially when milking honey from the Queen. Don't be fooled by her tiny, tiny udders.

Top Tips to Bee a Millionaire from our resident Bee expert Abrox Barglesworth

1. Never become too attached to a bee. As cute as they are, you must see them with the same respect as workers. Vicious workers that will sting you with half a chance. Only by treating them as employees will you become a bee-llionaire

2. Never get high on your own supply. We have all experienced the giddy high of eating honey, but remember chomping on that comb is also chomping away at your profits.

3. Never let your bees out. No matter what they promise, few will come back

Well, I think that's about enough for now. Our e-book will be available for $39.99 which you can send to us via PayPal if you wish to pre order a copy.

The World's Best Bee Keeping Blog

According to a few articles on the interweb, the best way to have a successful blog is to have a niche market and build on that. So if someone searches for say, spelunking in google, your blog will come up first. Blogs about computers, hot women or...whatever else the internet is used for will get lost in the abyss.
So, for the next week, this blog will also be the web's one and only Bee-keeping blog. Spelunking, lets face it, is for idiots. Beekeeping is a real man's game.

Some tips for first time bee-keepers out there

1. Always wear protection, bee stings hurt
2. Never buy more bees than you can fit in the bee house
3. Scrape bee eggs out of honey before you eat it or sell it
4. Never tend to your bees when its dark
5. Never tend to your bees dressed as a butterfly, they are bees mortal enemy
6. If your bees want to fly away, let them. Keeping them against their will will only make them unhappy, and unhappy bees make less honey.

I will be monitoring traffic to see if this does in fact help my blog get off the ground.

If you are a fan of the old blog, and have no interest in beekeeping, then why not give it a go? The picture isn't of me, but he sure looks chuffed doesn't he? All you need is a box, some bees, and a load of antiseptic cream. Tomorrow I will discuss how to make money...from honey. How to 'bee' a bee millionaire! Stay tuned!

Attention seeker

Why does it bother me that no one reads my blog? All the millions of other peons out there seem content to be writing to an audience of sixteen people who probably flick off the page the moment they realise it isn't porn.
I mean, in one sense, I am writing publically, and why would I do this if I didn't want attention, kudos? But then I don't want my friends to know about or read this because I like having somewhere seperate from my normal life. So in some ways this is a private blog, but in other ways it couldn't be any less private.
Not that (as regular readers will know) I reveal much on these posts. Today I was asked by my Mum's boyfriend if he could read my blog. I said no. Yet surely I should be encouraging as much traffic as possible? Ultimately I guess I don't want people to judge me on anything other than the time I spend with them. If they read my thoughts they might think of me differently. Like some neurotic geek.
But hey, I am a neurotic geek. I have to wear glasses to drive and everything.

Anyhows, I have been reinspired to commit myself to this blog. Even the biggest blogs like...ermm....that one that got someone fired...started out from such humble beginnings. I think two people visit here every day. And it is my duty to make them slightly more pleased than if they had stumbled on a blog written in Spanish (of which there seem to be alot). So once again, there is a great picture for you all, and also a thought.

“Real women don’t have flushes, they have power surges.”
Australian physician and author, Sandra Cabot

Thanks to memorablequotes.com for that. Its certainly enriched my day. Flush.

Writing when drunk. Hazardous

Im a bit drunk, and previous literary ejaculations in such a state have led (lead?) to embarassing revelations about my private life and my inner thoughts. This entry will not be such an example.
I apologise to all jackblogfans for my temporary hiatus, this was due to lack of geographical promximity to the internet for five days, and a similar lack of proximity to my motivation for this hair brained venture. Tell me, why do most people do this? Just for shit and giggles? Cos I tell you, I'm not laughing. Almost an hour I have spent on all of these posts combined, and the promised PayPal donations and sycophantic comments I was promised have failed to materialise. Sure, the twenty people that have visited my blog (see hit counter for proof) may have left enriched, but how has the experience enriched me?
In this crazy world, is there a place for a man who simply loves to blog? I like the word blog. Blog blog blog.
Ta ra

sad

Got to the bottom of my house dispute today. It turns out that two of the people I lived with last year just didn't really like me, and have found me terrible to live with. Its made me feel a bit weird. How could I be so wrong about how people feel about me? It makes me questions my relationships with people. How do you know what people are saying about you behind your back? It sucks a bit.
Well I'm trying not to let it bother me too much. Thankfully some people do like me, at least I think they do. And after all, England are playing tonight which will be good fun. I think Gerrard on the right wing is a great idea, should be an interesting game. I think Sven's first game was against Finland? I could be wrong about that.
Still havent got a job, its really starting to worry me. If im not earning my life is pretty pointless at the moment, especially considering Im so far away from all my friends. I guess I still havent adjusted to moving home.
I read a crazy blog yesterday with someone whose trapped in a very unhappy marriage by someone who will kill himself if she leaves him. That kind of puts things in perspective doesnt it! You can find some really interesting stuff if you randomly surf through these blogs.
Some really dull stuff too.
Well since this hasnt been an incredibly entertaining post I will give you a link to something better, here is one of my favourite hidden camera show clips. They are a guilty pleasure of mine and I can't see how you couldn't find this funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdJB_RL9w0s

ANGRY...VERY ANGRY

God I am so pissed off right now. Im not going to get into the gritty details but....never mix friends and money. Business and pleasure. Its just not a good idea. And also, never, ever use Leaders property agents in the UK. They are fucking shit.

Scuse my french. Where did that phrase come from exactly? French doesnt sound much like swearing to me. Maybe my pronunciation is off.

Got Idlewild today. Disappointing. Apparently is a 'soundtrack' not an album so it is allowed not be as good as the other Outkast albums. Maybe it will grow on me.

Still buzzing from the charity shield win. Had a good weekend actually. Got another interview tomorrow, for a boring boring job, so fingers crossed. If my job is really shit I am more likely to write here so its good new for you guys, the punters. Without your support I wouldnt be here.

Still angry. Why cant we all just get along. Oh well

Fine, I admit it

The novelty of my blog is wearing off. I thought within a week I would have a legion of fans all telling me how great I am. Instead, I have one fan who seems to be a hippy, and have realised that blogging is not really in keeping with my cool image. It has ruined my street cred on more than one occasion.
That's right. My street cred, thanks to this blog, is in tatters.

But don't think that means I'm going to give up. Oh no. I will use this blog to change the perception of blogging around the world. This is my cause. By the end of the year, someone admitting to not writing a blog will result in a sneer and possible throwing of garbage at them. I haven't decided about the garbage yet.

Anyway, back to less important matters (my life) I have finished at the Independent which was actually a very successful placement. I liked the people there, I enjoyed a lot of what I did, it was relaxed, I got to speak to D list celebs, and I'm published today! My first byline! Buy the Independent on Sunday, looking the Review, turn to page 7, and there I am.

I'm pretty chuffed really.

Well, I've realised this blog needs more than just hilarious and insightful bio-commentary to keep you hooked (you greedy, greedy lot) so here are some links to stuff that is good.

First up, two new Outkast songs from Idlewild.

http://www.spinemagazine.com/music/august/outkast/hollywooddivorce.mp3

http://www.spinemagazine.com/music/august/outkast/thetrain.mp3

Second, a picture of a cat as a DJ (above) which you are welcome to save, put on your phone, share with your friends. I'm not sure which of these things are better.

Now I'm off to watch the charity shield in a pub with loads of Chelsea hating Arsenal fans. I had a dream last night that Ashely Cole signed for Liverpool. Hmmm. Watch this space.

Liverpool 1 - Maccabi Haifa 1 (HT)

Will write this during half time...

Found out today that I am being paid for my Independent articles. Which means while yesterday I was a workie, I am now a freelance journalist! Yep, if someone asks me what I do I can say 'Oh, you know, I write the odd article for the Indie. They love me over there'. If that doesn't impress people I don't know what will.

A question for cyberspace; what does woot mean? or w00t? I know people say it to convey excitement, but why w00t? Answers on a postcard.

You can't get rid of me that easily

I'm back. I have been too busy to post recently but, feeling a sense of duty to my legion of fans, here I am. Its been a good few days, went up to Sheffield to visit my ladyfriend, spoke to leftie legend Tony Benn on the phone today, and to top it off, I have allowed myself to listen to my favourite CD.
Common - Like Water for Chocolate is so deeply important to me that I am terrified of getting sick or bored of it. Hence, I can only listen to it 6 times a year. This may seem drastic, but songs, albums, and entire bands have succumbed to my habit for overlistening. When I first got By the Way, I listened to it (and I'm not exaggerating here) at least twice a day for a month. I bloody loved it. Now, it falls on deaf ears. Well, I still like it but I've just heard it too much.
My work experience is going pretty well, not sure if Journalism is for me though. I think instead I'm going to put all my effort and ambitions into my book. If it fails my life will be over. But if it succeeds I would be rather chuffed. Meanwhile I don't really care if I fail or succeed at journalism. I don't think its what I'm meant to do. But that's getting a bit deep isnt it!
Who knows. I feel quite optimistic today. I'm sure tomorrow I will be crying into my coco pops.
Take care of yourself, blogophiles.

Noel Edmonds won't return my calls!

What a celeb-tastic day I've had, chilling with Keira Knightley, Noel Edmonds and Armando Ianucci. Well, I say chilling, I mean leaving messages on their agents' answerphones. Still, I got a buzz. Someone will listen to my voice who has also listened to Noel Edmond's voice! I'll be pictured in Hello by the end of the week at this rate.
To top all this showbiz madness, I got called up for an interview to be on some tv show about being a producer. Don't think I'd enjoy being on tv that much, but then it could be the making of me. And who knows, one day maybe I won't be returning Noel's calls, and we'll see how he likes it.
I think the programme involves me coming up with ideas for dyn-o-mite tv shows, here are the one I put on my application:

Bio-Cop - a futuristic cop drama set in a world where love is illegal, and people fly around jet powered skateboards

Celebrity Addict Island - celebrities like Pete Doherty and TPT are left on an island, with a cocktail of cocaine, crack and WKD (who would sponsor the show) given to whoever the public votes for the most every Friday. You would be evicted if you vomited or your septum caved in.

Religion Factor - show in which different leaders from different leaders have to impress Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne and Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Bio-Lovejoy - I suggested that they brought back Lovejoy, but he had titanium arms, and would have to juggle trying not to drop antiques and learning to love (he also has a bionic heart).

These three suggestions were deemed good enough to summon me to the old smoke to meet my destiny. Hopefully if I am on tv some people will actually visit my blog. Big Love to you all out there. Keep it real.

Assistant to the assistant editor

Cor blimey being a journalist is hard work! When I'm not harrying people to send me pictures of their beach huts, I'm sorting through press releases, coming up with article ideas or....commuting. It's a near two hour commute to Independent towers so thats 4 hours a day I'm doing nowt but trying to avoid eye contact with a load of miserable strangers. Just daydreaming. I don't have a problem with daydreaming but when you look at all the other people on the train doesn't it creep you out a bit? The chances are of out of thirty people on your carriage at least one will be fantasizing about feet or hamsters while they stare blankly at the Metro crossword.
I've been staring at a computer screen for far too long today to be able to do this blog entry justice, and I'm desperate to put my feet up and watch Lost, so I will leave you now (don't be sad, I will be back) . I think I am going to get slightly closer to finding out who the Others are in the next 3 to 15 episodes so I am on the edge of my seat.

If anyone out there has any interesting info on beach huts or knows any that are for sale, get in contact with me.

In fact, if anyone is reading this blog, leave a comment. It will make me ever so happy.